Have you ever felt the strange rush of emotion, just like a volcano ready to make an erruption? Or contrary, the solemness of the heart no words can describe? Or perhaps the outburst of positive charges of energy in our body? Everytime I feel these unusual things, I know sooner or later, something not so good will happen.
Man, I got totally whooped! Its been almost a decade now. A decade of struggle to let go of the feelings I never imagined, will ruin my life. It all started from a simple barkada night out, and well, ended with such pain left right through my not so strong heart. During these times, I must admit, I always wear a happy face. I endure the hopelessness of the situation for some sort of self satisfaction, eventhough I know from the very start that the feelings I have will never be given any credit. And despite of that reality, I still managed to fool myself that, "No, there will come a time that you will love me". But it never happened. Although we became close, so close that many things happened between us, there was never love coming from the other side. Its fine with me, the "love story" continues until the need to cut the scene came. It felt so .. I cannot even think of a word that will describe the pain I felt. But from a viewpoint of a positive thinker, "life must go on with or without you". So I did move on.
As time passes by, I learned to cope with the situation. Although it was really hard to start. I have no idea where to begin the process. Many times I ask myself, can I do it? Can I forget the enemy? Will there be any reinforcements to help me ease the burdens I have? You know what, during these times, ironically I was able to have a very peaceful mind. So peaceful that I regained everything I lost from the previous battle. My friends, my family, myself. I'm so stupid because I invested everything to the point I was left with nothing. Then came the time when everthing is smooth-sailing. I told to myself, damn! I will never ever be in that same situation again!
But.. Sad to say.. As the famous line says "History repeats itself". Here I am again! Same situation.. Loving someone who doesn't even care about my existence! Damn it! I again lost everything when I started to be involved in this game called Love, the second time around.
I now I am an intelligent person. In fact, my credentials will speak of this gift. But why is it that when it comes to studying the theories of love, a failing grade always comes out. Am I too stupid because I never learned my lesson? I enrolled, and once again I failed. Every semester, I struggle. A fight not well fought.
As expected, I entertained the feeling. It somehow made me smile. It felt so good. As if everythings in the right place. But what comes next are the tortures incomparable to physical pains. I am starting to invest again knowing that I will never have any profit from it..
The story is still being written up to this very moment. I don't know what will happen after this. But one thing is sure, pain is fast approaching! I may sound too negative, but as much as I wanted to have a good ending, thats what reality keeps on telling me!
